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Topher
04 December 2013 @ 05:20 pm
Race cars and airplanes were fun, but dont have 'nothin on spacecraft.  I build rocket engines for SpaceX. And I am happier than I have ever been.





Yeah, this was a good change in life.
 
 
I'm Feeling: Content
 
 
Topher
04 September 2013 @ 05:30 pm
Dragoncon was epic.  The Jackal Army is my family. cannot wait to find photos / videos.


Im moving to LA/ Hawthorne, CA in 2 weeks to work for SpaceX.

Im both amazed and excited for the opportunity, but scared completely shitless at the same time.
 
 
Listening To: Capital Cities: I sold my bed, but not my stereo
 
 
Topher
03 June 2013 @ 07:35 pm
"Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact... same fucking thing... over and over again, expecting... shit to change. That... is crazy; but the first time somebody told me that...I dunno, I thought they were bullshitting me, so boom — I shot him. The thing is, okay... He was right. And then I started seeing: everywhere I looked, everywhere I looked, all these fucking pricks, everywhere I looked, doing the exact same fucking thing... over and over and over and over again thinking: "This time, it's gonna be different; no, no, no, no, no, please... This time it's gonna be different." ...I am sorry, I don't like the way you are looking at me... Okay, do you have a fucking problem in your head? Do you think I am bullshitting you? Do you think I am lying? Fuck you! Okay? FUCK YOU! It's okay, man. I'm gonna chill, hermano. I'm gonna chill... The thing is... alright, the thing is: I killed you once already... and it's not like I am fucking crazy. It's okay... It's like water under the bridge.
Did I ever tell you the definition... of insanity?"
— Vaas
 
 
I'm Feeling: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
Topher
27 January 2013 @ 08:46 pm
I'm waking up to ash and dust

I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust

I'm breathing in the chemicals



I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison buzz

This is it, the apocalypse

Whoa



I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones

Enough to make my systems blow

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive



I raise my flags, don my clothes

It's a revolution, I suppose

We're painted red to fit right in

Whoa



I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison buzz

This is it, the apocalypse

Whoa



I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones

Enough to make my systems blow

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive



All systems go, the sun hasn't died

Deep in my bones, straight from inside



I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones

Enough to make my systems blow

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive
 
 
Currently At: Little River, SC
I'm Feeling: Good
Listening To: Radioactive: Imagine Dragons
 
 
Topher
23 December 2012 @ 09:55 am
2012 is nearly over, and its been a hell of year, on a lot of different fronts.  Many things aren't ending the year as I planned or hoped for, but you know what, thats okay.  If everything worked out according to plans, I don't think people would be surprised or able to think on their feet anymore.  I'm sitting here on a 3 hour layover in the Charlotte airport- finally going home-home for the first time in like 2 years.  Honestly, Pittsburgh feels more to me like home than Lebanon/ Hershey.  Its the quality of the people you keep I suppose.  Will be nice to spend some time with family tho. Haven't seen my sister in over a year as well.  Looking forward to some time with her.  Wish I could have made it out to the 412 again, but oh well.  I was out in October for Halloween and it was badass.  I love my family out there so much.

Work has come back around, things are good and going well, and I have been offered another tremendous opportunity.  Just like the Phoenix that is symbolized in so much of what I do, I'm pulling myself back up out of the ashes of the hole I put myself in, and I am coming out much stronger and better.  Sometimes destruction and failure is whats needed to make us grow and become better people.  After all, certain trees can only produce seeds after a forest fire.

It has also taken a very long time,  but I think I'm over Aiden.  I mean, I will always have a small part of my heart that belongs to him, I loved him more than anyone, and while I'm saddened that things went so badly and didn't end how I had hoped, his dumping me has been one of the best things to happen to me I now realize. I was depressed, stressed out and worried about making him happy so much that I let myself get real bad.  And I had no social life because I sat at home on my PC trying to talk to him every night.  Since we broke up, Im going out and making friends, hell, I've made some very amazing friends in Myrtle Beach now, going mountain bike riding, skating, hockey, and more.  I love it.  And I haven't really been depressed since we broke up either.  Everything just feels a lot clearer.  Hopefully in time I will meet someone else to share myself with.  But I dont see myself doing another Long Distance Relationship.  I want to be able to spend real time with someone.  I am also hopefully moving into a house with some friends in the spring... thats gonna be badass.  hahaha.

Not much else I can think of, just hope everyone has a good holiday.
 
 
I'm Feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
Listening To: Enter Shikari: "Juggernauts" (Nero Remix)
 
 
 
Topher
23 October 2012 @ 07:56 pm
Aiden and I broke up.  Like completely.  It sucks, but maybe its for the best.  Its given me a lot to think about, and I dont regret anything out of the relationship.

Things at work... well, they are. We will leave it at that, since this is a public forum.

Went back to Pitt last weekend.  God I miss EVERYONE back there.  Wish I could find a job up there and go back.

Phoenix decided to blow a transmission this week too... so without car currently.


Not sure what else today lately.  Feeling good after amazing time with my favorite people, and just taking some time to reflect on the past year and think and grow and change.  I need to make myself happy, not try to constantly make other people happy.


Oh.  And I finally got my industrial.
Tags:
 
 
I'm Feeling: contemplativecontemplative
Listening To: Covenant: Lightbringer (Speedrun)
 
 
Topher
29 September 2012 @ 07:45 pm
Not much to say.  Still wickedly depressed all the time.

Went to Texas for a week to work on a clients airplane on location.  was fun

Work otherwise sucks lately

Still dont really have any friends here in MB

Aiden and I are on a "break" right now for good or for bad :-\

Tried another therapist down here and hated her.  blegh.

Im tired of being lonely and depressed all the time, hell now I dont even have my boyfriend to hang out with on skype :(

Someday this will be positive again.
 
 
I'm Feeling: blahblah
Listening To: I:Scintilla: Swimmers Can Drown
 
 
Topher
09 September 2012 @ 04:12 pm
He fought his final battle
Beside his old companions
A handful of brave soldiers
Prevented the apocalypse

Didn`t care for his own life
Didn`t care if he died
He grasped his final chance
Put an end to his torment

Now our hero is risen
Escaped his mental prison
His sins are forgiven
A new era to live in

In the end he is mortal
Free to settle where he likes
Growing old and forgetting
All that happened in his past

His whole life he sought redemption
Praying so long for absolution
Always had the best intention
Fighting for the revolution
 
 
Listening To: Funker Vogt: Airising Hero
 
 
Topher
08 August 2012 @ 09:59 pm

Apparently the depression and bipolar are acting up. And im a lot more low than high. Its causing issues with my already challenging relationship

Maybe its time to find another therapist?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:
 
 
 
 
Topher
05 August 2012 @ 10:15 am
I really should post here more. Honestly, there's just not a ton of things going on. I work and I go to the gym.  And the gym is helping, in a couple ways.  It has proven to be a great outlet for venting stress and frustration, as well as getting back in shape.  I've lost over 17 pounds since I started back in May and lost a pants size.  I run 4 miles a day (in under a half hour) on the eliptical since my knee hates the treadmill, and then lift and do core workouts.  Trying to hit the gym 4-5 days a week. 

Birthday is in 2 weeks... 25... woo?  At least my insurance should go down, right? Hoping that Aiden will be down for my birthday, but I dunno.  We haven't gotten to spend time physically together in 8 months... and its just hard.  I work a lot and am not home much during the week to be online, and we don't even get much online time lately.  Long Distance Relationships are hard.

Tho, I did finally get my pay raise and my "white shirts"  that show that Im a true lead mechanic at the company. Also picked up a 401k last month too.



Yea.. Thats all I got right now, I will try to post more later when things come to mind.
 
 
I'm Feeling: goodgood
Listening To: Covenant: Bullet
 
 
 
Topher
10 June 2012 @ 11:41 am
Housing situation is resolved.,  Another buddy of mine from college is taking a job where I work ( helllo referral bonus!) so him and his girlfriend are moving into the house in the beginning of July.  Will be nice to have some other people here, make the house feel more alive again.  And if nothing else, buys me 9 more months to sort out housing stuff XD  Mainly if its worth buying a house down here, since I plan on staying here at least until Aiden is done with college (4 more years)

Bummed I'm missing AC this year.  Id love to see and hang out with people, but its just not in the cards.  Hopefully back in Pittsburgh in August for a wedding.


Works progressing, I need to work on my people and leadership skills, as well as taking a step back.  Im getting myself too involved in my projects, and taking them on a bit to personal I think.

Aside from that, first time at the gym yesterday in a year.  Ran 4 miles in 34 minutes.  I still got it.  Haha.  Planning to change my eating habits as well as working out.  4-5 miles running each time at the gym, and a strong core and abs workout, with alternating legs and arms days.  Planning 4-5 days a week at the gym, since its right on my way home from work.
 
 
I'm Feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
Listening To: Calvin Harris: Feel So Close
 
 
Topher
20 May 2012 @ 02:44 pm
Awesome.  And it looks like I need to find a new place to live, and a garage to rent or something by july -_-
 
 
I'm Feeling: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
Topher
20 May 2012 @ 11:27 am
This long distance relationship stuff is really hard.


And it really sucks when you havent seen your other half in months, and dont know when you will again.

Doesnt help that i feel like i make a lot of mistakes in what i say lately >.<
 
 
I'm Feeling: blahblah
 
 
Topher
12 May 2012 @ 02:07 pm

So the week in Dallas went very well. I am now Pratt & Whitney Canada certified on the PWC 100 Large Series turboprop engines. Class did teach me a lot and gave a lot of good troubleshooting insight.

Getting to hang out with some of my friends in Dallas, and getting to see the SR71 pilot training sim and an SR71 engine was bitchin too.

Now waiting on my plane to head back to Myrtle Beach and get back to fixing ATR's....

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:
 
 
I'm Feeling: accomplished
 
 
Topher
02 May 2012 @ 08:01 pm
So, I will be in Dallas Texas next week for a class at Flight Safety / Pratt & Whitney.


Who do I know from out that way?
 
 
I'm Feeling: tiredtired
Listening To: Astrolabe: Urbandawn
 
 
 
Topher
25 April 2012 @ 09:14 pm
I'm very frustrated lately.  I just don't feel like Im good at any of the things I used to excell at.
 
 
I'm Feeling: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
Topher
14 April 2012 @ 10:39 am
Sometimes, I really just feel like no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand people.
 
 
I'm Feeling: confusedconfused
Listening To: Spaze: Who You Are
 
 
Topher
13 February 2012 @ 07:36 pm
So, a small update.

Work keeps me really busy.  I was promoted 2 weeks ago, I am now a lead mechanic, I'm in charge of the Piaggio Avanti heavy check line now at work.  I'm really excited about this opportunity, and the chance to prove myself.  It just blows me away that after 8 months Id get promoted.  Apparently no one has ever moved up so quickly here.



Aside from work, excited for the end of the month, and celebrating 9 months with Aiden <3  I can't wait till he comes down to visit again ^^
Tags: ,
 
 
I'm Feeling: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
Listening To: David Guetta: Memories
 
 
Topher
Been nearly a month since I last posted.  Not even sure if anyone is still reading this.  But I need something better than facebook or twitter sometimes.  I have meant to post.  Its just hard lately to put whats in my head to words.  Maybe its because my mind is always going a mile a minute and I cant slow down, or maybe I'm just not as good at expressing myself as I think I used to be.  I dont know.

Ever feel like no matter what you do in life, no matter how hard you try, how much effort you exert, your just never good enough? Yea. I feel like that in all aspects of my life.

My Dzadzi (Polish for grandfather) passed away this morning.  He was 98. He's the last of my grandparents to pass on, and this one hurts the most, because he's the only one I was really close with.  He was a mechanic and a tank driver in the Army in World War 2, was a machinist and a bunch of other things over the years.  I can remember being over at their house when I was a little kid, and getting to tinker with things in his basement workshop, or helping paint stuff.  I guess that's part of what put me towards where I am.  He was always so proud of what I was doing with my life and always wanted to hear the stories when I would be able to visit him.  I'm really going to miss him..... But it is for the best, his health was starting to really go downhill.  My mom said he only weighed 90 pounds. :-\ Hopefully he's back with my grandmother ,and looking for something to putter around with.

Im not happy here.  I've been here since July, and I have yet to make any friends.  I have a couple car guys I know up in Wilmington, NC about 90 minutes away, but I have to not be myself to a point around them, plus they partake in some stuff I want nothing to do with.  I dont even know how to make friends anymore since I dont like going to bars.

I feel like I'm kinda done with furry.  Havent even unpacked my suit since I moved.  I still like the art and whatnot, but desire to go to a con or a meet is at like zero.  I feel like there are much better aspects of my life that I could but that time, effort and money into. There's so many fake, shallow people.  I'm tired of meeting people who suddenly vanish when they find out you wont sleep with them, or the people that are all "we should hang out / play video games / do something" together and then just stop talking to you.  Stay classy you fucking retards.  And looking at the Carolina furs groups on Facebook and whatnot, its just a bunch of stupid derp kids that want to go be lifestylers everywhere they can.  Maybe I just miss the old days and the old ways?

Work... is.  I work a lot , but its partially because I have nothing else to do, plus I want experience.  I worked 23 days straight last month.  Busted ass this week to balance and rehang all the flight controls on an ATR72 for FedEx in under 2 days. Only to get yelled at because the plane isnt leaving on time due to something else. Its rough.  I'm working 2 weeks straight now because I want to try and see some stuff out on time, and when Im working I feel a little bit better about myself.  We did get a new Director of Maintenance at work  (my boss's boss)  and after talking to him, I'm hopeful that in the next few months things might get better.  Hopefully in March I will be going to Pratt and Whitney for training.

I want to go racing more.  I want the season to start.  I want to get back behind the wheel.  I'm truly happy then. But even that takes money I may or may not have.  Really want to go run some track days if I can get the scratch together.  Just give me a half hour of turning laps, time by myself, with my car, cause no matter what you think, sometimes Phoenix is the only one that understands me.


theres more.. relationship stuff, and some head demons... but I dont want to get into that now....
Tags: , ,
 
 
I'm Feeling: depresseddepressed
Listening To: Rawtekk: Snowflakes
 
 
Topher
17 December 2011 @ 08:32 pm
I worked 80 hours this week, including three days doing back to back to back double shifts.

This is one of the planes I'm working on.



Yea.  Not too much else to say.  Trying to sort out some aspects of life.

Looking forward towards next week.  My sister is visiting for a day, and then Aiden comes for 2 weeks.
 
 
I'm Feeling: tiredtired
Listening To: David Guetta: Memories